Massacre in the Bathroom on Larkspur Dr.

You have all become well acquainted with my look as the used Q-tip and the beams of light that glint from my golden locks. However, the time I spent as a florescent-haired beauty is passed, and I have now moved on to a new "holiday inspired" style. My hair is now a stunning shade of crimson, perfect for Halloween and Christmas alike. Once again, the students at Windridge Elementary want to know what happened, but I think they are getting used to the idea that my hair will probably change a couple of times each year.

It is very possible that I am going through a midlife crises (my mother says I am being overly optimistic when at age 25 I call it a quarter-life crises) but I just think I get bored easily. To make a long story short, I've always wanted to do something a little crazy. Tattoo's are out, and Bruce promises to divorce me if I shave my head, so wild hair color is simply the most affordable outlet for my pent up insanity.

The most shocking part of this change was the actual coloring process itself. When you dye your hair red, it literally looks like someone has committed murder in your bathroom. I was greatly worried that Bruce would walk in while I was waiting for the color to set and give himself a heart attack. I looked rather gruesome with my "bloody" gloves and red streaks occasionally running down my forehead. Not to mention the crimson stains in the shower, which do wash out, by the way. Though I did spare him this initial trauma, my dearest husband doesn't care much for the look. However, I love it, not to mention that I can wear whatever I want and still be festive this holiday season.

If you would like to see my new look, I have included a few pictures for your enjoyment.

Rembrant a.k.a. Remi

A couple of months ago I told you about my sweet little fish Sammy, and decided that after he died I was not meant to have a pet fish. Somehow though, I managed to ignore these promptings from on high and got Remi. Remi has been my fish for a couple of months, but I'm just now putting this on my blog because I didn't want my blog to become one big sob story about dead fish. Thank goodness, Remi is in good health, and I expect him to live for a good while still. Because he has been such a well behaved and good mannered fish, I figured it was time to introduce Rembrant as the newest member of our family. Right now, he is smiling at me and wiggling his tail fin in delight.

Originally, Bruce did not want a fish. They require too much maintenance and give nothing in return, was his reasoning. I am therefore happy to tell you that he checks every morning that Remi has been fed, and askes if the aquarium was cleaned recently. I often have to stop Bruce from overfeeding our sweet fishy, because he is convinced that Remi is always hungry. In fact, he worries more about the fish than I do. However, Remi really likes Bruce - yes, I just said that the fish has feelings for his daddy. I am not kidding when I say that he swims to the front of his bowl and dances when we talk to him, especially Bruce. I've decided that I have the smartest fish in the world. He even chases his food around the bowl when it gets caught in the pump current. It's really very cute, and I really do love my fishy.

Don't worry, I realize that if I get this excited about my fish, I'd better be prepared for some extreme bragging when Bruce and I have children. I'm going to need a whole other blog.

Shut yer bunghole ye scurvy bilgerat!

I hope that everyone has a beautiful "Talk Like a Pirate Day" on Sept. 19. I have been busily preparing for the festivities by increasing my pirate vocabulary, reading pirate books, and even looking up my pirate name - which believe it or not is "Linda the Short"or "Lucy the Off-White" depending on which translator you use. I figure they are both applicable. I also looked up the names of all of my coworkers. However, I had to do a few variations because I can't exactly tell the class that Mary's pirate name is "Charlotte Yellow Ares," or that one of the students names is "Keeper Drunken Stubble."
I have also spent the last while coming up with fun ways for the class to celebrate this special holiday. We will be having a hunt for sunken treasure, a few pirate ditties to sing, and a rousing game of "pin the patch on the pirate." The pirate is actually a blown-up picture of our teacher on which I pasted a pirate hat and parrot. (They really should know better by now than to ask me to come up with something to do for obscure holidays.) If any of you would like some ideas to help you celebrate "Talk Like a Pirate Day," here is the address to the official website.

www.talklikeapirate.com

You best be havin' a beauty fa celebration, an' dasn't do anythin' I wouldna.

Poopy Toilets

This is just a little note to let everyone know that in two weeks, the only poopy toilet Bruce will have to clean is our own. He starts his new job with Davis School District as a Data Technician in a couple of weeks, and we both have some very high hopes for this career move. Woo-hoo! Way to go Bruce!

The Day I Lost My Squiggle

Yes, it is true. My squiggle is gone. I will no longer get extra discounts on general merchandise. I will no longer stand at the door and cheerfully welcome shoppers. I will no longer cheer, stretch, and squiggle myself into a cashiering frenzy. But I will probably still wear my blue shirts. I have bid a not so fond farewell to Wal-mart, and am happily enjoying my first Saturday to myself in many months. Bruce and his parents are gone to a football game for the day,and I am toying with the idea of walking around naked for awhile. However, I need to go shopping - at Wal-mart - ironically enough. So I now say goodbye to my time as a Squiggle Mart employee, and hello to my time as a discountless Squiggle Mart customer. Wal-mart, a part of me will always be with you. I will do a few naked squiggles in your honor.