MISSTRESSPIECE

What, I Have a Blog?

2009-08-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

It is so very easy to forget that one has a blog, what with all the facebook posts and random emails to forward. I would like to make the excuse that work has been so time consuming, but it's summer, and I have a lot more time off than usual. I did enjoy both of my summer jobs the past few months - summer school and camp - but I am glad that in a little over a week the school year will start up again. Structure is my friend. One of my best friends, in fact - right next to organization and cleanliness. I know this post is short and sweet, (and really not that interesting,) but I have a classroom to organize and obsess over, and I'm happy as a clam.

Nephews

2009-04-06T19:06:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I have the cutest nephews in the world. If you have ever met my sister's children, you would understand why. Bruce and I had the pleasure of taking the two oldest (5 and 4) to the aquarium a few weeks ago. Let's just say it was an adventure. I won't give you an entire run-down of the events but lets just say that McDonald's was a much bigger hit than any crumby aquarium, and why on earth would any boy want to touch a stingray? (I wanted to, but what do I know.) I did find the experience to be very educational, however, so here are a few bits of information we gathered from the trip that I thought someone may find handy.

The World According to Anson:
1) You rate a McDonald's Playland by how many sets of stairs it has - the playland near Anson's house has 1 set, the one near Aunt Leigh's house has 2, thus making it the more desirable playland.

2) If you want to make an airplane you need two main parts - the flat metal for the wings, and the round metal with seats.

3) To make a cardboard box you:
1. place saggy cardboard on the conveyor belt
2. send it to the pair of hands (you must have a pair because one hand can't hold the tape
alone)
3. press the button to make the hands tape the saggy cardboard into a box

4) If you need a cement mixer (so you can make a cement wall from clay and water) you need to call UPS, and they will bring it directly to your house.

5) If you do not have the number for UPS, simply go to www.cellphonenumbers.com, click the UPS link, and they will connect you.

If only I had know these things! I would have had every cell phone number I ever needed, be making bank with my home-made concrete walls, and possibly have a lucrative career rating McDonald's playlands! I did learn one very important thing from all this - the theory of the world according to Heber: Sometimes there is no need to say anything, because there is usually someone who is talking enough for the both of you.

I love you, cute boys!

Leigh

Blah, Blah, Blah

2009-02-04T21:02:00.000-08:00

I really don't have much to say lately, so I haven't said anything. There's not much going on. I get up (which I don't think you want to hear about,) go to work (which I can't tell you about it,) come home (oh the excitement,) decide what to do for dinner (pretend we have enough money to go out or stay home and eat crap from a box - I just don't know what to choose!,) and go to bed (which is about as eventful as getting up.) Based on how intriguing this all must sound to you, I will make this post short and sweet: I still live in a basement, I still have a job, and I am still breathing. Let me know if any of this requires further clarification and I will try to pencil you in to my ever-evolving schedule.

The Plot

2008-11-25T23:00:00.000-08:00

For many years, a continuing risk has evolved in the guise of our demure Canadian brothers. For the safety of the great state of Utah, I invite you all to check out my other blog, and decide for yourself - friend, or foe? Check the blog log to the right and click on "The Alberta Plot."

Jumping the Gun

2008-11-22T22:28:00.000-08:00

I am constantly accused of being overzealous when it comes to the holiday season. I usually have my shopping done before Thanksgiving, or shortly afterward. Therefore, for those of you who think I may be moving too quickly and not properly enjoying the hustle and bustle of Christmas, I have decided to create a list of the reasons why I am pretty much done with my holiday purchases, and you should be too.

10. Friends in far off places - Shipping costs a ton, ship early to save. No, I'm not cheap, just thrifty.
9. Far off Family - No I don't mean physical distance. It's basic survival to buy gifts for the people who you only talk to once a year as soon as an idea hits, even if it's in March, and then hope they don't buy it themselves.
8. Charities - A safe bet for those presents they do buy for themselves
7. Busy Sidewalks - a "Christmas-y" term for too many cranky people
6. Pampered Pets - It takes time to find the perfect gift for the dog who has everything.
5. Trimming - You all ready have to trim the tree and wrap the presents, isn't that enough?
4. Turkey - I lose a whole week recovering from Thanksgiving
3. Popularity - What can I say, so many parties, so little time.
2. My husband - Might as well buy it early because Bruce won't realize it. I've wrapped his presents in front of him without his noticing. (This reason probably doesn't apply to you, but if it does, I'd love to hear why.)
1. Relaxing - It gives me a chance to actually enjoy Christmas, and brag to you about being pretty much finished.

Best of luck to all you procrastinators out there.

Massacre in the Bathroom on Larkspur Dr.

2008-10-11T20:44:00.000-07:00

You have all become well acquainted with my look as the used Q-tip and the beams of light that glint from my golden locks. However, the time I spent as a florescent-haired beauty is passed, and I have now moved on to a new "holiday inspired" style. My hair is now a stunning shade of crimson, perfect for Halloween and Christmas alike. Once again, the students at Windridge Elementary want to know what happened, but I think they are getting used to the idea that my hair will probably change a couple of times each year.

It is very possible that I am going through a midlife crises (my mother says I am being overly optimistic when at age 25 I call it a quarter-life crises) but I just think I get bored easily. To make a long story short, I've always wanted to do something a little crazy. Tattoo's are out, and Bruce promises to divorce me if I shave my head, so wild hair color is simply the most affordable outlet for my pent up insanity.

The most shocking part of this change was the actual coloring process itself. When you dye your hair red, it literally looks like someone has committed murder in your bathroom. I was greatly worried that Bruce would walk in while I was waiting for the color to set and give himself a heart attack. I looked rather gruesome with my "bloody" gloves and red streaks occasionally running down my forehead. Not to mention the crimson stains in the shower, which do wash out, by the way. Though I did spare him this initial trauma, my dearest husband doesn't care much for the look. However, I love it, not to mention that I can wear whatever I want and still be festive this holiday season.

If you would like to see my new look, I have included a few pictures for your enjoyment.

Rembrant a.k.a. Remi

2008-10-04T19:36:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I told you about my sweet little fish Sammy, and decided that after he died I was not meant to have a pet fish. Somehow though, I managed to ignore these promptings from on high and got Remi. Remi has been my fish for a couple of months, but I'm just now putting this on my blog because I didn't want my blog to become one big sob story about dead fish. Thank goodness, Remi is in good health, and I expect him to live for a good while still. Because he has been such a well behaved and good mannered fish, I figured it was time to introduce Rembrant as the newest member of our family. Right now, he is smiling at me and wiggling his tail fin in delight.

Originally, Bruce did not want a fish. They require too much maintenance and give nothing in return, was his reasoning. I am therefore happy to tell you that he checks every morning that Remi has been fed, and askes if the aquarium was cleaned recently. I often have to stop Bruce from overfeeding our sweet fishy, because he is convinced that Remi is always hungry. In fact, he worries more about the fish than I do. However, Remi really likes Bruce - yes, I just said that the fish has feelings for his daddy. I am not kidding when I say that he swims to the front of his bowl and dances when we talk to him, especially Bruce. I've decided that I have the smartest fish in the world. He even chases his food around the bowl when it gets caught in the pump current. It's really very cute, and I really do love my fishy.

Don't worry, I realize that if I get this excited about my fish, I'd better be prepared for some extreme bragging when Bruce and I have children. I'm going to need a whole other blog.

Shut yer bunghole ye scurvy bilgerat!

2008-09-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

I hope that everyone has a beautiful "Talk Like a Pirate Day" on Sept. 19. I have been busily preparing for the festivities by increasing my pirate vocabulary, reading pirate books, and even looking up my pirate name - which believe it or not is "Linda the Short"or "Lucy the Off-White" depending on which translator you use. I figure they are both applicable. I also looked up the names of all of my coworkers. However, I had to do a few variations because I can't exactly tell the class that Mary's pirate name is "Charlotte Yellow Ares," or that one of the students names is "Keeper Drunken Stubble."
I have also spent the last while coming up with fun ways for the class to celebrate this special holiday. We will be having a hunt for sunken treasure, a few pirate ditties to sing, and a rousing game of "pin the patch on the pirate." The pirate is actually a blown-up picture of our teacher on which I pasted a pirate hat and parrot. (They really should know better by now than to ask me to come up with something to do for obscure holidays.) If any of you would like some ideas to help you celebrate "Talk Like a Pirate Day," here is the address to the official website.

www.talklikeapirate.com

You best be havin' a beauty fa celebration, an' dasn't do anythin' I wouldna.

Poopy Toilets

2008-09-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

This is just a little note to let everyone know that in two weeks, the only poopy toilet Bruce will have to clean is our own. He starts his new job with Davis School District as a Data Technician in a couple of weeks, and we both have some very high hopes for this career move. Woo-hoo! Way to go Bruce!

The Day I Lost My Squiggle

2008-08-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. My squiggle is gone. I will no longer get extra discounts on general merchandise. I will no longer stand at the door and cheerfully welcome shoppers. I will no longer cheer, stretch, and squiggle myself into a cashiering frenzy. But I will probably still wear my blue shirts. I have bid a not so fond farewell to Wal-mart, and am happily enjoying my first Saturday to myself in many months. Bruce and his parents are gone to a football game for the day,and I am toying with the idea of walking around naked for awhile. However, I need to go shopping - at Wal-mart - ironically enough. So I now say goodbye to my time as a Squiggle Mart employee, and hello to my time as a discountless Squiggle Mart customer. Wal-mart, a part of me will always be with you. I will do a few naked squiggles in your honor.

Living Vicariously Through the Internet

2008-08-20T15:50:00.000-07:00

cyber-petgreat free widgetsWidgetbox

In Memory of Sammy

2008-07-29T13:40:00.000-07:00

When I was 10 years old I had 3 goldfish that I bought for $0.05 each who lived for two years - quite a long life for a goldfish, especially since I didn't clean their bowl as often as I should have. When I was 2 years old we had an aquarium that I loved to watch. I decided one day that the fish looked thirsty, and gave them a cup of kool-aid. There were no survivors.
I don't think the fish-world really liked me, but things were different with Sammy. I cleaned his bowl regularly, meticulously measured his food, and even told him goodnight before going to bed. Yet Sammy was only with me for a month. They say when fish die, they turn belly-up. They actually just turn on their sides, and float at the top of the bowl. That's how we found Sammy this morning, and he was given a loving "burial at sea."
This may all sound a little silly to everyone, but Sammy meant a lot to me. He represented having something of my own that wasn't going to leave me or get taken away. I know, that's a lot of meaning for a fish, but when you don't have your own place, can't use any of your own things, can't have your own family, and your dog would rather be upstairs with grandma than with you, you'd probably give a lot of meaning to a fish who can't get out of his bowl and leave too.
Anyway, before you think I've gone off the deep end, I know Sammy was a fish, and fish die, and life goes on. I also know that I have so many things to be grateful for - a roof over my head, a husband who loves me, the medicine I need, a job I love (Special Ed., not Wal-Mart.), though I am grateful to be able to work at Wal-Mart because it's really not as bad as I make it out to be. Life isn't so bad even if it's not what I had expected.
I'll miss you Sammy. You made me happy, and you helped me work through a few issues that I would have rather ignored if given the chance. Thanks for the time we had.

MAZATLAN, MEXICO

2008-07-22T23:19:00.000-07:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Sunburn

2008-07-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Next week Bruce and I will finally be going on vacation, and I'm fairly certain that despite my best efforts I will probably come back with a sunburn. The part of me that used to work in dermatology is cringing right now, but for the most part I'm a little more focused on the fact that I get to go to Mazatlan and sit on the beach drinking "Coca-Cola Lite con mucho hielo." I would like to thank my mother for drilling that phrase into my head, because I'll probably use it more than anything else. Right now I'm still working at Squiggle Mart, though I've now learned that I never really needed too. For further details on that click the link to Bruce's Blog. I will say, though, that it's not as bad as I thought it would be, I just get really tired working Summer School at Viewmont, and cashiering. However, maybe Squiggle Mart will help me get a house a little faster, or at least a small condo. If not, at least I can get a great discount on sunscreen.

Squiggle Mart

2008-06-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I began my stimulating career as a Wal-Mart cashier. Yes, at the same Wal-Mart I bought my $6.00 box of hair dye from. Mostly I've just been going through computer tutorials and learning very important things like the company cheer (during which they refer to the hyphen in the logo as a squiggle,) and making sure you close a box cutter before placing it in your pocket. I've been fairly negative about the whole thing lately, so I decided that if I'm going to survive this, I'm going to have to look on the bright side - that is what this blog is supposed to be about, anyway. So I have compiled a list of things I like about working at Wal-Mart.

- I just got paid to sit at a computer for 2 days and click the next button
- Everyone has been too busy to notice that my name badge now says "Good Times Cashier"
- A discount at Wal-Mart - I really don't think I can get any cheaper than that
- Blue - the color of the sky, the ocean, my favorite sno-cone, and my shirt
- They no longer wear vests
- A discounted membership to Sam's Club
- I can sign up for pet insurance
- The greeters - I get a personal welcome when I arrive at work
- They called me for an interview less than 7 hours after I submitted an application online at 1:00 in the morning - now that's prompt.

Wish me luck!

The Used Q-Tip

2008-05-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

I got a haircut today - a REAL haircut. No wimpy, let's take off an inch or two, haircut. In fact, my hair is pretty darn close to being shorter than Bruce's. I look like a Nazi-feminist. Actually, I like the haircut because I really wanted a big change. However, I also decided to change the color with a $6.00 box I bought at WalMart. I now have hair the color of a used Q-Tip. Strangely, it is also growing on me, though Bruce seems to have trouble looking me in the eye. I guess it's just payback for all the times he's bleached his tips. If he wants to look like a 16 year old, go ahead, but I want to look like a Nazi-feminist, or a used Q-Tip.

My Mother Taught Me Better

2008-05-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items and found myself on the snack food aisle. As I was browsing, I saw something disturbing, and rather humorous. There's a new treat out on the shelf, a bag of mini, candy-coated cookies, each piece roughly the size of a Skittle. Affixed to each box is a special label that reads: WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD. I find this odd. I don't know about any of you, but I was taught to chew my food. In fact, I think that if such a warning is required in today's world, I should sue the Post-it company for not properly cautioning me - WARNING: MAY CAUSE PAPER CUTS.
Are we going to start seeing this warning label on all bite size food? Will M&M and Planters packages need an overhaul to keep up with public stupidity? The world we live in is a strange and selfish one. Someone, somewhere decided to complain to a cookie company because they ate their food too fast. I personally think, that when companies are forced to place inane warning labels on their products, that they should be able to address the problem directly - SUSY SMITH IS STUPID: CHEW BEFORE SWALLOWING.

Who Do You Think You Are?

2008-04-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

My name is Leigh. In Irish in means poetic, which is rather appropriate because people tend to use their poetic license when pronouncing it. For those of you who do not know, the correct pronunciation is "Lee." I am a goddess of poetry, hip-waving belly dancer, traveling diva and overall piece of work.

OK, so I write an occasional line, bought a belly dance video last week, and have been out of the states once - 7 years ago. But I'm sticking to the last bit.